home

Kensi heard the doorbell ring but didn't move. She was curled up on the couch at home, a blanket over her legs. She watched as Deeks passed by on the way to the door.

Deeks felt like hugging KC as he saw her standing there, but instead took his goddaughter. "I'll get the bags later. Come in." He recognized the car as one the team used, but didn't comment, focused instead on Kensi. He looked as tired as he felt but she could tell he was trying his best to hide it from her friend.

"Thanks. Anything?" She whispered. Deeks shook his head briefly and KC went to the living room. "Hey, honey. Welcome home."

Kensi looked up briefly but didn't speak or smile. She was so scared that even her best friend wasn't enough for her to feel better.

"I brought someone to see you. She missed her favorite aunt."

"Alina?" whispered Kensi.

"You'll have to steal her from her godfather. I don't think he intends on giving her up." Deeks was almost smiling when he talked to his 'niece'.

Kensi started to get up but changed her mind and moved her legs for KC to sit with her.

KC sat down. "Are you hungry, sweetheart? Do you want me to fix you something to eat?"

"I had lunch already. Deeks made it for me." Tears started to fall as memories of her time in the cave came back to her."I missed him so much," she sobbed.

She started to ask if Kensi had actually eaten it this time, but stopped herself when the tears started falling. Deeks left the room with Alina, giving them some privacy. "Deeks or Jack?" KC whispered.

"Both. He left me to marry someone else without a word. I can't lose Deeks too."

"Honey, you're not going to lose Deeks. He's scared to death he's losing you. Right now, he's just trying to hang on. If you get one to even attempt to do that, you won't lose him."

"Promise?"

KC nodded. "I promise."

Kensi wiped her eyes and then hugged her friend.

KC hugged her friend and then held her. "It's going to be all right, sweetheart. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it will."

"I'm so scared. I want the nightmare to end."

"It will. Just not overnight."

"Are you going to stay here? There's lots of room for you and Alina."

"I'll do whatever you want, Kens. I'm here for you."

"Nothing, no one, else matters to me right now but you and Alina."

"I don't want you to leave. I know Deeks hasn't been sleeping cause I keep him up at night with all the crying and nightmares."

KC took a breath and slowly let it out. "Honey, that's not the reason. Or not totally."

"Then what is?"

"He's scared if he closes his eyes, you'll be gone again."

"I'm not going anywhere again. I don't even leave the house."

"He knows that. Just like I think somewhere you know you're safe. But right now it's not the easiest thing to believe, is it?"

Kensi shook her head.

"You've both had a pretty shitty year. One day things will get back to normal. One day you'll both sleep again. Even smile or laugh. But it's not an instant fix. You have to let yourselves heal."

"You'll help, right?"

"Of course, sweetheart." She paused. "That's all the boys and Hetty want to do too. And Nell." She was including Eric and Nate in with the partners.

"Maybe just Nate. I can't help feeling that Hetty is at fault for sending me there."

She knew something else that Hetty had done, something she would never forgive the other woman for, but she wasn't sure that Kensi could handle knowing. "I'll call anyone you want, whenever you want."

"Not yet. I want to play with Alina first."

"Like I said. You're gonna have to steal her from her godfather." KC smiled at this.

"I will." She got off the couch and headed to the kitchen.

Deeks was emptying the baby bag, putting the bottles up and then getting ready to stow the bag out of the way, not sure if Kensi would want KC in the spare room or in with her. He wasn't sure of anything.

"Deeks?"

Relief showed in her partner's eyes. "Yeah?"

"Can I play with Alina now?"

The tiny little girl held out her hands for her aunt and Deeks couldn't refuse either of them anything. He handed over his goddaughter. Kensi took the baby and smiled happily for the first time since returning home. Alina babbled at her aunt, resting her tiny head against her chest. Kensi hugged Alina and have her a kiss. Deeks excused himself, giving them some privacy. He hated being emotional, but it seemed like he'd been in that place for months. Kensi continued to play with her goddaughter.

KC studied him. "It's okay to cry, Deeks. To be upset. You're not gonna let Kensi down if you do."

"I can't let her see it so she doesn't feel bad."

"She's busy with Alina."

"She actually smiled when she took Alina," smiled Deeks.

"She'll smile again more often." She paused. "Did you ever think maybe the reason you had to go through what you did this summer was she would need you now? You know what she's going through."

"I thought that too. But I don't want her to feel the way I did."

"I know."

"What am I going to do? I don't know what to do."

"You take it day by day, moment by moment. She's already had some breakthroughs. She smiled. She's playing with Alina. She ate lunch. She'll talk to Nate later."

"Really? How did you get her to do that?"

"I just pointed out what hopefully you both already knew. That there are a lot of people who care about you, who want to help."

"She never agrees to speak to Nate."

"He's the only other person she will talk to." It bothered her that Kensi wouldn't talk to Nell or Callen.

"You okay? You sounded odd just then."

"I understand her being angry at Hetty. She went way too far, worse than ever. But Nell? G? Sam?"

"Sam and Callen saw her break down when we saved her. I think she's embarrassed. As for Nell, they're close but Kensi is just too afraid right now."

"That scares me, Deeks. I don't know who I'm more angry with right now. Hetty or Jack."

"I want to knock some sense into Jack. He broke her heart, then told her he had a new family that he left her for? That was not a nice thing to say to someone that clearly still is hurt."

"Maybe she's hurt by him, but she loves you. You know that, right?"

"Yes. I saw the way she looked at him after they were cleaned up over there. She doesn't have the same feelings for him anymore. She loves him but she's kind of moved on..... With me."

KC half-smiled. "I'm glad you know that."

"Of course I do. She chose to cuddle me not Jack after all."

KC thought it was more than a cuddle. Kensi had been hanging on for dear life.

"And she asked me to stay with her when we came home."

He no longer sounded like he was trying to convince her, but himself.

"I think I need some air. Can you stay with her for a bit?"

"Deeks, I don't think you should go."

"I just want to step outside a bit. I'll be back before she knows I'm gone."

"I don't think it's a good idea."

She knew she couldn't stop him though.

"Alright. But I need to open the door at least."

KC nodded, going to check on her daughter and her friend.

Kensi grinned a little when KC came in. "You can't have her back yet."

"Take your time." She adored her daughter, but it was nice to have some help every once in awhile, to get a break.

"Is she ready to eat?"

"She's about due for another bottle." She'd given her one on the plane, but she hadn't finished.

"Can I feed her?"

"Absolutely." She got the bottle out for her and got it ready. Alina's mouth began to move like she was already sucking the bottle.

What is she doing?"