Castle angry at Beckett

"Rick. I'm sorry...."

"Can't you understand? I was trying to protect our family. McCord, the others...They're gone. I didn't want that to happen to you or Martha or God forbid Alexis..."

"Oh, I understand why Kate, but I still can't prove that I can look after myself, can I? After eight years, I still haven't shown you that I'm not going anywhere, that I'm not scared."

"I know you're not scared, Rick. I'm scared enough for both of us. I lost my mom. How many other people do you want me to lose? My dad? My husband? Or the only thing I'll ever have to a daughter, the first I've had to a mom in a very long time... Or our best friends? Javi and Ryan don't even know. Or Lanie. Or Dad."

"Do you not understand that I can help, that I want to help? I don't know why I have to keep showing you what I can do just to prove that I'm as good as any cop out there."

"Because I've lost you so many times, Rick. When I worked with McCord and you got poisoned. When I thought...I thought you were dead for two months, Rick, so you could play spy."

"Spy? Really? I still don't remember any of that time. Do you know what it does to me each time you bring that up? Kate, I love you. That's never going to change. And I want you back. I want my family back. But if you continue to shut me out, then I don't know if I can stick around. I'm sick of being shut out." His voice had softened, as though he had finally voiced his biggest concern to her. He could feel tears welling up, and willed them to not fall, knowing that the minute they did, he would just pull her into his arms and never let go.

"I'm trying to include you. I'm trying to make it up to you. But you're too busy being angry."

"Did you expect me to not be angry? You pushed me away, personally and professionally. I lost the only real friends I had when you sent me packing. If it weren't for Hayley, and my mother and daughter, I'd have lost my mind. I'm sorry Kate, really I am. I didn't want to yell at you or get angry, but I'm terrified of losing you and, lately, it seems like you're drifting further and further from me."

"How can I fix this, baby? I...I don't know how."

Castle sighed. "I may not be a cop, but I'm damn better than many of them. I want the same thing I've been trying to get back since you left. I want you to come home, I want my friends back- no sorry, my family, cause that's what they are to me- and I want back in at the precinct. If Gates can keep me, surely you can."

"Okay."

"That's it? Just okay? You aren't going to change your mind? Cause if you do, even Hayley and my mother and daughter won't be able to stop me from doing something really stupid."

"You can do anything but work on LockSat with me."

"You have to be kidding me. Right? You are joking, aren't you?"

"It wasn't on your list."

"Dammit Kate! You really don't believe that I can do it, do you? You really don't think that I can look out for myself and the ones I love."

"Don't you understand? McCord was an agent. An AGENT."

"I don't care! You said you know that I can do what needs to be done to stay safe. I am not McCord. I am not going to get myself killed."

"Do you have any recollection of how many times I've told you that? Only to come back half dead? But you're better than me too I guess. And I'm sure your dad never expected Paris to happen, but it did. Or the bank to be robbed when you and Martha were in it."

"I didn't say that. There is nobody as good as you." He took a breath. "See that pyramid on the bench? That is the only company I've had since you left me. That sounds pathetic, even to me. I can't take this anymore. You never had a problem working with me before you became captain, so why should anything be different now? I've saved the boys, I've put myself on the line to protect you and your team, time and again. And I will always do that, because I love you. It's not the first time someone has come after me because of a case Kate, and it won't be the last either. If you don't think I can do it, fine, I'll give up. But the cases I help your team with are just as dangerous in their own ways, so it's not like danger will stop."

"Damn it, Rick, I said you could do it. Just not this one. I almost lost you before because of Bracken. He's worse."

"Fine. I'll stop asking. You won't here it from me again. Are you coming home?"

"If I'm allowed."

"Of course you are. I want you home."

"Then I'll come home."

Castle nodded. He took a deep breath and went to the kitchen, geeting some water before talking anymore.

She followed. "I wanted to tell you. I wanted to include you."

"Why didn't you?"

"Jackson's wife told me not to."

"He isn't married Beckett."

"She is, Rick. I met her."

"He isn't married. He never married anyone."

"Maybe he was trying to protect her? Like he tried to do for you and Alexis?"

"No. You aren't listening again. He is not married. He doesn't have a girlfriend. He's been in the Middle East for the last seven months."

She told him about the woman she'd met.

"I don't know who she is. Why don't you have Vikrim find out?" His bad mood was back, and although he didn't want another fight, he knew one was coming if he didn't calm down.

"He's not too crazy about you knowing either."

"Is that why you didn't tell me? Because he doesn't want you too? I know that's why you left yesterday. He called you away because he doesn't think we should get back together. He really should learn to wait for people to be completely out of earshot before saying things about them."

"That's not why I left, Rick."

"I didn't ask why you left. Look, Kate, it isn't the first time someone has questioned our relationship. Even the boys didn't want us together at the start. Sometimes I think they still don't. So tell me something, why should we be together if everyone thinks its a bad idea?" He wasn't angry or even upset now. It sounded more like he was lost.

"Montgomery never did. He said you were good for me. He was right. You and our family are the best part of my life. That's why I've been fighting so hard."

"You could have just left it alone."

"What?"

"Nothing. That wasn't fair. It just came out. Kate...."

"Tell me what you meant, Rick."

"You know what I meant. It's the same thing I've been saying. I didn't actually mean for that to come out, but it happens when I'm hurting."

"You're the only one who's hurting. I'm sorry.'

Rick didn't answer this time, knowing he was going to say the wrong thing.

"I really am sorry," she said softer. "I didn't mean that the way it came out. I'm so...I'm so damned tired of fighting. I thought at one point I wouldn't have to anymore, at least we wouldn't be fighting each other."

"Do you want to be with me still?"

"Always."

"Then we need to talk things over. But not today."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No. I want you to never leave me again. But I think talking about it today will just cause more problems."

"I know I have no right to ask this."

"What?"

"Can we wait to figure things out between us before we tell your mother and Alexis? I don't want to lose them too."

"My mother and Alexis are both busy for the next few weeks."

"I know you haven't forgiven me. You may never. And if you change your mind, it's going...it's going to kill me losing you. I can't lose them too."

"They won't find out."

She nodded, wiping at her eyes. "Thank you."

Castle nodded. "Hungry?"

She shook her head. "Not really. You want me to make you something?"

"No. I ate already."

She nodded.

"Drink?"

"I'll take one of those."

Castle made some drinks and handed one over.

Castle entered the precinct, two coffees in his hand and a bag of doughnuts in the other. He smiled when he saw his two friends at their desks, but the looks he received in return were not what he was expecting.

"Uh, hi guys. I brought you a present." He held up the bag.

Castle put the bag on Ryan's desk. "What's happening in there?"

"Maybe I should go in there." Castle stepped towards the door, but Esposito stopped him.

"Don't do it. We already tried, and he was about ready to throw us out, literally."

"He won't throw me out. She's my wife, and he has no right to speak like that to her."

"No way," Ryan said firmly.

"Bottom line, bubba, he's our partner. And hers. And the sooner you leave, the better," Esposito finally said.

"I can't believe it. He's pulled the wool over your eyes and you are both too stupid to know it."

Esposito took a few steps forward and Ryan got between the two.

"I'm leaving." Vikrim left, dropping a piece of paper as he did.

Esposito picked up the paper quickly.

"What is it?" asked Ryan.

Esposito frowned, showing it to his partner.

"That looks like Castle's writing."

"Yeah."

"But he wouldn't do that to us... right?"

"I don't know. I want to say no, but Beckett's made it pretty clear she didn't want him here..."

"I thought that was cause she was captain and didn't want people talking?"

"C'mon, who pretends to be broken hearted about their wife leaving one minute and throws a fiesta the next?"

"I suppose that's true. Maybe we should ask him?"

"What do you think he's going to say?"

"Deny it, but still. We should give him a chance to explain. It is Castle after all, he has always been honest with us."

"If he's using or hurting her again, I get first crack at him."

"Fine with me."

They let themselves into Beckett's office.

"Hey guys. Where did Vikrim go?" asked Castle.

Esposito handed Castle the paper.

Castle read it quickly, going slightly pale by the time he finished. "Listen, I know what you guys must think, but I swear that I wrote this to let out anger.
It has nothing to do with a case or anything."

"Let me see it?" Kate asked, her hand out.

Castle passed the paper over, knowing he was in for a yelling now.

Kate's hand shook. "Guys, can you excuse me?"

Esposito and Ryan stepped out, staying close in case.

"So this is why you were spying on me?"

"What? No. I wanted to know what you were hiding. I only did that search maybe half a week ago."

"I was just another one of your mysteries again."

"It wasn't a mystery. I couldn't even find anything."

"Because there's nothing to find."

"You can't blame me for wanting to know why my wife wasn't coming home anymore."

"I told you I needed some time."

"I told you I would give you time, but when you started keeping secrets, it was time to find out what I ever did to you. I guess now I know though. I didn't do anything, you just didn't want me in your life. You had Vikrim to help you instead."

"No, no, no, you don't get to turn this around on me. What is this doing here, Rick?"

"I don't know. I didn't bring it with me."

"If you didn't have it and I didn't have it..."

"Why don't you ask your detectives out there? They already seem to have checked me out."

"How would the boys get it? And why would they? They've tried to stay neutral throughout this."

"Like I said, go ask them." Castle turned on his heel and stormed out.

"Guys." Kate called, rubbing her forehead.

"Yeah Captain?" asked Ryan.

"Where did you find this?"

"It was on the floor. Why?"

Ryan hesitated. "It looked like it dropped out of Vikrim's pocket or something."

"Wait. Back up. What?"

"I don't know if it did, but it looked like it. He was trying to say that Castle was using all of us, but I don't really believe that. Why would he? He's always been there for us."

"Javi?"

He shook his head. "I don't know anymore. I want...I want to believe in him, but...I know he was giving Castle a hard time, but he's always running him down."

"So?" said Ryan. "I don't believe Castle would do something like this. I trust him more than I'll ever trust Vikrim."

"I don't understand why Vikrim would do this, but I trust Rick. I just...I don't want to see him hurt."

"I'm going to speak to Castle." Ryan walked out, knowing he was right."